I'm writing this to see how other people might deal with these problems;
1. To do a course I really want to do at college, I need the confidence to go and enrol.
This is made more difficult for me because I started a full time course, but had to finish
part way through because of illness. Also later on I enrolled to do an evening course,
but again I had to finish about half way through, but this time, because it was a difficult
course and I have trouble concentrating.
2. I am lacking the confidence to play my music in front of people, and in a couple of weeks there is a concert which I would really like to do, but feel unable to.
3. Because I don't like eating in the company of other people, I'm unable to go for a meal
with some friends.
When I think about doing these things I tie myself up in knots, and all the negative thoughts
take over any positive aspects. Also this makes it so that I've got more chance of having an epileptic fit.
Any suggestions how to deal with these problems would be more than welcome.
5 comments:
Hi Phil,
I ready your post with real interest, becasue there have been times in my life when I've felt so anxious about doing something that I just couldn't. What helped in the end, was knowing that most people (if not everybody) has overwheleming feelings that stop us from doing things. I also realised that people weren't really that bothered about what I was doing. I also sort of decided to have a more carefree attitude which took time, but started with daring myself to do stuff and then giving myself the credit when I acheived them.
I have to say too - Changes helped a lot and one of their steps in particular - 'feelings are not facts' - which takes abit to get your head round, but in essence is recognising that often anxieties are just bluffs - they aren't necessarily real and you can prove it to yourself by distracting your thoughts and then note that the anxiety has disappeared or at least lessened somewhat.
The other idea - is to just try one thing - bit sized chunks stylee, the smallest step you can make and go from there. If it feels like Mount Everest has to be conquered, it's hard to see the route through, if it's more of a small hill then the prospect isn't as daunting.
My advice Phi - go for it! Don't worry if it goes wrong, because the view form the top of even smallest hill can be spectacular!
Hello Phil-
As you know we had a brief discussion the other day regarding your concerns.
It is good that you are being so transparent about what is troubling you.
When your confidence levels are low, it is ofcourse very difficult to concentrate. I do understand, for I too struggle with my confidence.
I went on a computer course and gave up because I 'felt' stupid. It seemed all the rest of the class were so much better at learning than me. I was very ill, very vulnerable at the time. I quit because I couldn't handle the perceived humiliation.
Yet now Phil, I challenge my lack of confidence. You are now, such as I have, meeting people who care about you and pass no judgement.
Through the reassurance of these good people and through your own determination; You will begin to see your confidence levels rise. This will happen at your own pace. Do not put any undue pressure on yourself.
If you consider yourself unable to play music at the concert this time. Do not consider this a failure. You can reflect upon and challenge that anxiety. There is always another opportunity.
I too struggle with eating in the company of other people. I am not very hungry anyway. Yet, as you know, I did manage to consume some food amongst other people. It was not easy but I did it.
Phil, if you want to go for a meal with friends. May I suggest that you gradually ease your way into such scenarios. Maybe just have a bit of a snack. Then, if you are okay with that, the next time you might go for an entire meal.
Phil, I have had the great pleasure of getting to know you lately. You are a really sound guy. Be inspired by the encouragement and reassurance of the kind, caring people you are meeting. We are all here for you buddy. With this awareness, I know that you will notice that your confidence is increasing.
Positive anticipation is so much better than negative speculation. Phil, you are not alone. Best wishes Klahanie.
hya phil,
i'll 1stly say, your not alone on that train of thought about things pete. i have felt similar feelings about the most 'trivial' of things. having said that i realise that the hardest thing to do for one person is something that goes with out the slightest thought for another as they do it every day!
and i think that is half the battle really not compairing yourself to others in a negitive way and recognising that actually they prob feel exactly the same! i can guarantee that you too do things that don't even occur to u as difficult, that would be ni-on impossible for someone else to contemplate doing.
i think once you start the ball rolling with a train of thought it becomes a snow ball effect that grows in strength size and momentum, so stopping that ball and changing its direction is not an easy thing but in the same way that its rolling in a direction your not loving at the moment, in time as you slow it down, stop it and change its direction it will
again gain momentum and strength and before you know it you'll be doing the 'impossible' effortlessly.
p.s thank u so much 4 the cd, well ya saw my seaction so you know how much it means to me!
p.p.s ya did it phil ya came to dinner and like you said who knows mayb next time... (that snowball is changing direction already!) ;-)
purkul
x
Hi Phil,
I think that may be the situations you describe all stem from fear!
We all have our fears Phil,even people who may appear to be confident!(big ones or little ones...It's all relative! I read a marvellous book many years ago, that I highly recomend,'Feel the Fear...but do it anyway!'
Remember Fear stands for False-Evidence-Appearing-Real!
I have found that for me, the best way of transforming any fears, is to face them,(this takes a little time and a degree of courage...which I am certain you have)
In other words...'Do the things you fear' and then the death of fear is certain...the unknown becomes the known!
Fear is basically fear of the unknown!
But once you have faced a particular fear, it will no longer have a hold over you.
I wish you the very best Phil, you are capable of a lot more than you may think!...D x
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